Hair Removal: 101
by Avalon Rouge
Summary: AU.Kikyo attempts to remove body hair and discovers it's harder than it looks. Please do not read if you do not enjoy Kikyo's misfortune. Rated T for certain hair she removes from certain places. ONESHOT


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kikyo, she belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. But I _do_ own Miyaka.

Please note: If you do not care to read about pubic hair removal, please stop reading here. . I, also, am not the biggest fan of Kikyo, so if you do not care to read about Kikyo and misfortune, especially in the same sentence, please stop reading here. Thanks so much!

PS. All reviewers that leave a review with some sort of signed title/name get a "goodie" at the end. (You basically get your name at the end of the story and some sort of "food" item handed to you via writing. )

Hair Removal 101 

**Kikyo's POV **

Because I'm such a nice person, let me give you the rundown of Hair Removal; I'll even give you the crash course. Okay? Well, first of all... All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - Scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I come home, start my school work, daydream about my InuYasha and how good he looks in his jeans. Especially when he wears that one shirt that totally compliments his musc- oh sorry! Off topic...anyways, where was I?… Oh yeah, I come home, start my school work, talk to my friend Miyaka, read Manga , etc. etc. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out from underneath Okaasan's bathroom cabinet. I had P.E. the next day, so why not give it a shot? I may not have to shave for the rest of the week! So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax. You just rub the strips together in your hand, then they get warm, and you peel them apart ,press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not that much of a girly girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other and they were stuck together ( kinda like a sandwich ). Instead of rubbing them together, I get a brilliant idea. I pull out the hair dryer and heat the damn thing to 100,000,000 degrees. _**Cold **_wax my rear end?...I think not.

I lay the strip across my thigh. Kinda hot. It kinda burned. I'll get over it. I hold the skin around the strip tight, and pull. OK. So that was _not_ the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal will no longer elude me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire! I heat the next strip and wait for it to cool a little before I place the scalding thing on my thigh. After about 20 minutes of complete and utter pain, I finished my legs! Yes! Granted... they're not natural looking, especially when they're too busy turning colors of four shades of red...

With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking that I was the only one in the house, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I lock the door, I drop my panties, and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, (except not heating it, cause I knew that would hurt like Hell ) I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering half the hair located down there, and stretching down to my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself for the oncoming tidal wave of pain I knew I would be experiencing.

RRRRIIIPPP!

I'm blind! Blinded from pain!...

Vision slowly starts to return, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and...

RRIIPP.

Everything is all swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums? OK, after about 5 minutes I regain my composure and I'm back to normal. I want to see my trophy -

A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, ( that has caused me so much pain ), sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!...

There's no hair on it.

Where... is the hair? I find myself asking...myself. A better question to ask is... WHERE THE HELL IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair...The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. Can you say, Shit? I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now by the way, covered in cool wax that's getting colder, and matted hair.

Then I make the BIGGEST mistake ( remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet ). I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Noooooooo! I hear the slamming of the cell door... I'm sealed shut. Butt? Sealed shut. So I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself _'Please don't let me get the urge to poop... My head may pop off!'_

Hot water! Hot water melts wax!

I run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits, and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right?

WRONG!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...

In scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, **doesn't melt cold wax!** Imagine that! So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub! God bless the person watching over me today for I brought my phone into the bathroom!

I call my friend Miyaka, thinking _surely_ she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, How was your day? Mine? My butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom. She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH! RIGHT!

I would be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. Right? I rub some on and

"OH MY GOD!" The scream probably woke up half of Tokyo, scared the crap out of Miyaka, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS! It works!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!.

So I shaved it off. Hell, I'm numb at this point.

Next week think I'm going to try hair color...

...Expect to get a rundown on that too.

**End of Kikyo's POV and the end of the one shot! Yay!**

Finished!

R&R please! Cause I luv you!

See you all next time

AR


End file.
